who the fuck am i anymore? i used to be a person with such an appetite for life, art, literature, everything. i used to do so much. i used to paint. i used to be in marching band, which i loved so much. i used to be so interested in learning new instruments. i used to practice whatever instrument i had until i couldn’t anymore. i used to be obsessed with my ipod and finding new artists that i grew to love. i used to read. i used to read so many books. i used to get lost in the world and loved it.
what have i become? a business major in a college that i never wanted to go to, studying for a career that i’m not even sure i want. i pledged for a professional fraternity and failed. i’m not professional. i dropped two courses this semester. i have a job i hate. i have no real friends. i haven’t updated my ipod in forever. i haven’t picked up an instrument in two years. my guitar is sitting in my closet, rust on the strings, fucking neglected. and, i wanted a guitar so badly. i haven’t read any good books in a while. i used to be down for anything. now, i think.
i want to make mistakes, live my life, regret a few things because that’s what i think makes a person. the wisest man is probably the man who made the most mistakes, right?
i want the best for myself, but i don’t feel my best. i felt my best years ago. i want to feel it again.
it feels like i’m too focused on building a life than living it.